Shared assumptions vs. shared lives

"Perhaps being old friends didn't mean very much, they shared assumptions rather than lives."

I came across this line while reading The Line of Beauty today and it struck a chord because I've drifted apart from a couple friends that I thought I would be close with forever. It's a shame because I've known both of them for at least 17 years - that's more than half my life!

I suppose I've noticed that we'd been drifting apart for quite some time now - but it was only this past holiday season, that it occurred to me that I don't really know what to talk to them about anymore.

I've always played the role of social coordinator so perhaps I'm partly at fault for having spoiled everyone. I've stepped back from this role in the last year mostly because I feel that they've taken me for granted...and as a result, we don't see each other. I've noticed that if I don't pick up the phone to call, or send an email to say, "hey, what's going on?" it will be months before we see each other again. Case in point: we got together as a collective over the holidays, but the last time we saw each other before that was my birthday (which I organized) in September. How sad is that?

Friendships are like any other relationship - they require regular maintenance. I think the main thing that has kept us together for so long is our shared history. But people grow and change from new experiences and if they don't grow together, they grow apart. And that's what we've done. We don't have any shared recent history, and while I realize I can change that, part of me is apathetic, and the other is resentful because it takes two and I'm just tired of putting in all the work.

Que sera sera.