Waiting

My sister is arriving from Vancouver tonight to visit for a couple weeks. I've finished as much of my workbook exercises as I could stand so I'm just waiting now for her to arrive so I can let her in the house and then go to sleep.

This reminds me of when I used to stay up late at night waiting for her to come home in high school. I was always the responsible sister being the oldest, etc, and she was always the rebellious, misunderstood middle child...throw in the fact that my father died when we were young and my mother always telling me that I was responsible for my younger siblings and you get a very messed up sister-sister relationship because I was always telling her what to do and worrying about her and she would bristle at my authority and wisdom. heh.

I remember how ANGRY I used to be with her because my imagination would run wild and I would worry that something terrible had happened to her as the minutes passed into hours and she wasn't yet home. Meanwhile, my mother is sleeping in bed. And when she finally did come home in the early hours, I'd be angry and resentful because I had worried needlessly.

Our relationship is better now...although if we spend too much time together, we resort to our old patterns of behaviour and snipe at each other for no real reason but that it's familiar to react that way. How messed up is that? I do regret that we didn't have a closer relationship growing up. There are only 2 years between us, so maybe if things had been different - if our dad hadn't died when we were so young and my mother was able to spend more time with us as a result instead of always working - we'd have been the kind of sisters who shared secrets and did all the typical sisterly things that sisters do. We're still not close and I suspect we probably never will be. We're just too different.

Anyway, I'm sure I could have been more articulate in my analysis of our relationship, but I am so tired. So. Tired. When is she going to get here already?! And why can't I just go to bed like my mother and wake up to answer the door when she rings the bell??

See. Damn patterns again.