Thanks to various administrative chores done on behalf of my mother, I’ve been called Mrs. [x] so many times in the last few days that I’m starting to get really annoyed.
It all started with the Home Depot credit card on Sunday. I filled out the application and when the teenaged girl came back with my temporary “card” (read: stapled papers with an account number printed on it) I noticed that the card was for a “Mrs.” When I told her I wasn’t a Mrs. and asked to have it changed, I was advised that I would have to call a 1-800 number to get it done. How dumb is that? I can be approved for credit on the spot with nothing but a driver’s license as ID, yet I can’t have something as simple as my title changed?!
Granted, I probably should have checked the box for my desired title—I had left it blank because I was lazy and annoyed to be applying for a card I didn’t want in the first place, just so my mother could get herself a $15 gift. I usually check Ms. if it’s available, otherwise, I leave it blank. I figure, my name is obviously a woman’s name, so why should I bother checking the box anyway?
And just this morning, while I was talking to a couple phone companies about canceling a line, I was called Mrs. again—more than once. I'm not sure why it irks me so much, so I started to think about it...
Growing up, I used to think that I would be married by 30 and all the things I am capable of doing for myself, I thought a man would do for me—meanwhile, 30 is just around the corner and I remain single. I’m not waiting around for a man to complete me though: I've studied and worked hard to get to where I am today. I’ve travelled abroad; I’ve bought myself diamond jewellery because I can and because it makes me happy (
advertising does work!
right hand ring, anyone?); and next year, I move into my very own home—I’ll be deep in mortgage debt, but it will be my own. I am an
Independent Woman.
I would not claim to be a “feminist” though. There are many definitions of the word, the most basic being an advocate of equal rights for women. But more often than not, the word feminist brings to mind radical bra-burning man-haters—extreme imagery, I know, but that’s what comes to my mind.
So why do I prefer Ms.? According to dictionary.com:
Ms. also Ms (m z)n. pl. Mses., also Mses also Mss. or Mss (m z z)
1. Used as a courtesy title before the surname or full name of a woman or girl: Ms. Doe; Ms. Jane Doe.
2. Used in informal titles for a woman to indicate the epitomizing of an attribute or activity: Ms. Fashionable; Ms. Volleyball.
--------------------------------
[Blend of Miss, and Mrs..]
Usage Note: Many of us think of Ms. or Ms as a fairly recent invention of the women's movement, but in fact the term was first suggested as a convenience to writers of business letters by such publications as the Bulletin of the American Business Writing Association (1951) and The Simplified Letter, issued by the National Office Management Association (1952). Ms. is now widely used in both professional and social contexts. As a courtesy title Ms. serves exactly the same function that Mr. does for men, and like Mr. it may be used with a last name alone or with a full name. Furthermore, Ms. is correct regardless of a woman's marital status, thus relegating that information to the realm of private life, where many feel it belongs anyway. Some women prefer Miss or Mrs., however, and courtesy requires that their wishes be respected.
I find this note interesting since the word's association with the women’s movement is likely due to the
magazine of the same name founded by Gloria Steinem in the 70s. But it's the last bit in regards to it being the correct term regardless of a woman's marital status that resonates with me.
Why is it necessary to signify one's status anyway? Men don't. They're a Mr., regardless, yet women are branded. I don't want to rant on about the double standard in the negative terms that have been used to describe single women in the past, (spinster and old maid spring to mind) and the struggle single, independent women have gone through to gain society's acceptance. (Betsy Israel's
Bachelor Girl does a fairly good job of chronicling this history.)
It irritates me to no end though that my mother believes my life is incomplete without a husband. My role model, who single-handedly raised 3 kids while leading about 20 employees in her own business and supported us all through post-secondary education thinks I need to learn to be
weak and let a man help me do things that I can do for myself.
I’m quite befuddled by how I am supposed to learn this “skill.” It’s a complete 180 since I never saw it growing up. My mother was always the image of a strong, independent woman. When I encounter such “weak” women, I have no patience for them. I find it manipulative and I refuse to be
that woman. (Maybe it's a means of flirting? That's probably a different post and a
different problem though...)
Anyway...if it seems like I contradict myself, it's probably because I'm still trying to figure out where I stand on this issue. Here's what I know: I am not looking for a man to complete me. I'm doing quite well on my own, thank you very much. What I
am looking for is a man to enhance my life, I am in search of that indefinable something that makes everything "more": more funny, more sad, more happy, more angry, more everything. I thought I had found it once or twice in the past, but it turns out I was wrong, so the search continues...Is there an MRS in my future? Only time will tell.
(This is just a fraction of the cute stationary I picked up while I was in Japan a couple years ago) 
