Thursday, June 03, 2010

Skinny Minnie

I've been working with a personal trainer now for 9 months and have seen significant results. Pants that used to fit are now saggy in the butt and hang loose off my hips, but on the plus side, I'm shopping my old wardrobe, now able to fit into pants that had grown too tight over the last few years, and shirts that made my muffin top all too apparent.  How thrilling is that?!

You know what's even more awesome?  I'm actually wearing belted skirts with my top tucked in!  I don't think I've EVER done that before in my life - at least not with a measure of confidence!!

Despite how proud I am of my leaner self, I'm rather embarrassed by the attention it's garnering.  It's not that I haven't been transparent about my efforts.  I've talked openly about my workouts and the changes I've made to my diet including the days I go low-carb/high-protein now that I'm in burn, so I should be happy that people are noticing.  But when my manager says, in the middle of a conversation, "Check out the pipes on this girl!" I squirm.  If I was a guy, I'd probably flex my arm in response just to show it off but instead I feel self-conscious.  And when another manager callls me a Skinny Minnie and my colleagues comment on how great I look, I feel uncomfortable because of the attention.

I know I should get over it, turn it around and be proud because I've worked so hard for these results.  But changing one's self-image takes time.  Not to say that my self-image was horrible before.  I know I sound like an ass when I say this but I know I'm pretty, and have even been called beautiful on occasion, though not usually cute, which is fair because I'm far too serious to be considered cute.  (I know, I'm an ass, but please, indulge me here.)  Yet I've never had the stereotypical thin Asian girl body.  I take after my decidedly pear-shaped aunt so have always been self-conscious about that, always comparing myself to other Asian girls. 

I know I will never be a skinny Asian girl - my hips will always be curvier and my bosom will always be, um, shall we say, modest, but I can learn to revel in the strength of my body.  I can do straight leg deadlifts and one arm rows with 65lb dumb bells and 100lb bar squats; I can even do real push-ups - 2 sets of 15, no less! - and I don't look like a butch.  I made it very clear to my trainer that I didn't want to look butchy.  How many skinny Asian girls can say the same? 


The Lone Beader® said...

Awesome! I've been trying to workout everyday, too.I can't afford a personal trainer, so I just do it on my own. I have been walking everyday for an hour + sit-ups crunches, lunges, weights, etc... I can also do at least 35 real push-ups in a row! It's not easy, but I make myself do them every nite!

phoenix said...

I wish I had the will to do it on my own like you do but I can't, which is why I spend too much money on a trainer. I can't really complain given the results - I'm just more mindful about how I spend my money elsewhere now.

Anonymous said...

Great job and congratulations on your weight loss..!!And it seems that you really had a good and best personal trainer..Keep up the good work always and much better if you post a photo of you in this blog..
phoenix personal training

Mary said...

Hi, I'm a fellow Torontonian and have been following your blog for a while .. wondering if you would be willing to share the name of your personal trainer?

Congrats on your exercise/healthy lifestyle.. it sounds like it's certainly paying off.

phoenix said...

Hi Mary,

First, thanks for following my blog and commenting! Unfortunately, my trainer has a full roster of clients and isn't accepting any new ones. I train at GoodLife and my suggestion if you are interested in personal training is to get in touch with them to find out more. You'll meet with someone to do an initial goals and fitness assessment to establish a baseline and then from there, be paired up with a trainer suited to your needs - if you want some guidance on food and nutrition, specify that in your assessment since trainers typically have different specializations. And while all trainers are not created equal, at GL they're all mandated to follow the periodization method of training - so at least in that way it's consistent. Good luck!

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